Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize