Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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