Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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