I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
