fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
