Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
