at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
