last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
