Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
