so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
