Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
