My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I have post one night stand depression
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
