so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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