I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
