Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
