you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize