Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
