i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
They are going to name an STD after you.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
