So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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