I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
