Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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