People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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