Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Less talking, more tequila
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
