DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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