you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
