apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
