dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
