I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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