he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
