It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
