there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
