When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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