it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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