My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
