smell my finger.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
