yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
