How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
