so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
