i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I look better un-naked...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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