You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
