I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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