And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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