McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
