before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
