I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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