I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize