Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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