I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
