So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
