I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
