I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
