My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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