I just cut my nipple shaving
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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