To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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