Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
