I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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