I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
