I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
