There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
