i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
