the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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