I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
