I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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