I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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