i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
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Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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