the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
