No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
