@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
