I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
