A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We left the knife in your bed.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
