Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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