did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am available for nakedness
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
