He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
