I accidentally had phone sex last night
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
