I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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