so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
