So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
