Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
